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怎样写作文才是人生赢家?新SAT写作Essay范文赏析

2016年08月26日15:14 来源:互联网
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摘要:面对改革后的新SAT作文,究竟该如何写,才能得到一个较高的分数呢?今天就以一篇满分新SAT写作范文为例,带大家一同学习一篇高分作文值得借鉴之处。

今天为大家带来的是新SAT官方指南OG第四篇练习题的写作范文赏析,写作阅读文章是一篇在2012年发表在《时洛杉矶时报》上的一篇文章。下面请看这篇写作题的范文及赏析。

怎样写作文才是人生赢家?新SAT写作Essay范文赏析图1

材料:The Official SAT Study Guide

试卷:4

页数:732

题目: Let There Be Dark

范文:

In response to our world's growing reliance on artificial light, writer Paul Bogard argues that natural darkness should be preserved in his article "Let There be dark". He effectively builds his argument by using a personal anecdote, allusions to art and history, and rhetorical questions.

Bogard starts his article off by recounting a personal story - a summer spent on a Minnesota lake where there was "woods so dark that [his] hands disappeared before [his] eyes." In telling this brief anecdote, Bogard challenges the audience to remember a time where they could fully amass themselves in natural darkness void of artificial light. By drawing in his readers with a personal encounter about night darkness, the author means to establish the potential for beauty, glamour, and awe-inspiring mystery that genuine darkness can possess. He builds his argument for the preservation of natural darkness by reminiscing for his readers a first-hand encounter that proves the "irreplaceable value of darkness." This anecdote provides a baseline of sorts for readers to find credence with the author's claims.

Bogard's argument is also furthered by his use of allusion to art - Van Gogh's "Starry Night" - and modern history - Paris' reputation as "The City of Light". By first referencing "Starry Night", a painting generally considered to be undoubtedly beautiful, Bogard establishes that the natural magnificence of stars in a dark sky is definite. A world absent of excess artificial light could potentially hold the key to a grand, glorious night sky like Van Gogh's according to the writer. This urges the readers to weigh the disadvantages of our world consumed by unnatural, vapid lighting. furthermore, Bogard's alludes to Paris as "the famed 'city of light'". He then goes on to state how Paris has taken steps to exercise more sustainable lighting practices. By doing this, Bogard creates a dichotomy between Paris' traditionally alluded-to name and the reality of what Paris is becoming - no longer "the city of light", but moreso "the city of light…before 2 AM". This furthers his line of argumentation because it shows how steps can be and are being taken to preserve natural darkness. It shows that even a city that is literally famous for being constantly lit can practically address light pollution in a manner that preserves the beauty of both the city itself and the universe as a whole.

Finally, Bogard makes subtle yet efficient use of rhetorical questioning to persuade his audience that natural darkness preservation is essential. He asks the readers to consider "what the vision of the night sky might inspire in each of us, in our children or grandchildren?" in a way that brutally plays to each of our emotions. By asking this question, Bogard draws out heartfelt ponderance from his readers about the affecting power of an untainted night sky. This rhetorical question tugs at the readers' heartstrings; while the reader may have seen an unobscured night skyline before, the possibility that their child or grandchild will never get the chance sways them to see as Bogard sees. This strategy is definitively an appeal to pathos, forcing the audience to directly face an emotionally-charged inquiry that will surely spur some kind of response. By doing this, Bogard develops his argument, adding gutthral power to the idea that the issue of maintaining natural darkness is relevant and multifaceted.

Writing as a reaction to his disappointment that artificial light has largely permeated the prescence of natural darkness, Paul Bogard argues that we must preserve true, unaffected darkness. He builds this claim by making use of a personal anecdote, allusions, and rhetorical questioning.

怎样写作文才是人生赢家?新SAT写作Essay范文赏析图2

赏析:

Reading

作者在开篇就准确概括出原文的结论:保护黑暗势在必行。(Natural darkness should be preserved.)紧接着,作者选用四个论据具体阐释原文的论证思路:原作者 Bogard 在湖边夜晚的一次亲身经历,梵高的代表作「星夜」,「光明之城」巴黎的保护黑暗的举措,以及修辞性问题。

在对原文信息的处理上,作者使用了「直接引用(direct quotation)」和「改写(paraphrasing)」两种方法。所谓「直接引用」,作者并没有大段摘录原文,只是撷取部分必要内容嵌到自己的分析中,从而确保表达流畅、自然。例如,作者指出「He builds his argument for the preservation of natural darkness by reminiscing for his readers a first-hand encounter that proves the "irreplaceable value of darkness."(paragraph 2)」在本句中,作者对 Bogard 讲述的个人经历做出评价,指出其通过描述亲身经历,让读者真切体会到黑暗的魅力,从而对全文的结论产生认同,即黑暗具有不可替代的价值,保护黑暗是必要的。除了「直接引用」,作者更多的是借助「改写」转述原文的观点,并进行分析。例如,原文中 Bogard 修饰「黑暗」的表达有 「the universe has inspired artists (paragraph 5)」 和 「irreplaceable value and beauty of the darkness (paragraph 7)」,作者将其改写为 「the potential for beauty, glamour, and awe-inspiring mystery that genuine darkness can possess (paragraph 2)」 和 「a grand glorious night sky (paragraph 3)」,在准确传达原意的基础上,作者又立足原文结论,将黑暗的价值展现出来。总之,对原文信息的准确、灵活处理,体现出作者良好的阅读理解能力和信息整合能力,所以这篇文章 reading 层面可以得到 4 分。

Analysis

在分析论证的过程中,作者以 「personal anecdote」、「allusions to art and history」 和 「rhetorical questions」 为切入点,细致全面地阐释了Bogard 的论证过程。在文章第二段,作者指出, Bogard 通过描述自己小时候在湖边夜晚的一次经历,勾起读者自身对「黑暗」的美好回忆,从而引发其共鸣:黑暗具有无限魅力,可以带给人启迪,这是「灯光」无法做到的,因而是不可替代的。

紧接着第三段,作者阐释了 Bogard 如何通过典故达到说理论证的效果,两个典故都与艺术有关。先是借助梵高的名作「星夜」,Bogard 再次申明夜晚星空的无限魅力和对人的启迪作用,让读者意识到如果夜空被灯光笼罩,这幅画作就不可能存在。这一假设可以激发读者思考:在今天霓虹璀璨的夜晚,星空被人工光亮掩映,再也不会有人画出梵高那样的「星夜」了,这是多么遗憾的一件事!在此基础上,作者又以巴黎为论据,指出即使是闻名于世的「光明之城」也意识到保护黑暗的重要性,并且已经采取措施减少光污染。这成为 Bogard 观点的有力支撑:应该保护黑暗,而且已经有人在做了,其他人应该效法。

最后,作者指出修辞性问题在论证保护黑暗的重要性上的作用。原文为 「Who knows what this vision of the night sky might inspire in each of us, in our children or grandchildren?」,通过提问,Bogard 将读者带入到特定情境中,去真切思考黑暗对自身、对子孙后代的影响,从而激发读者共鸣:我们现在必须采取措施保护黑暗,否则我们自己、乃至子孙后代就再也没有机会体验黑暗带来的一系列美好了。

总之,作者分析了四个手法的作用,条理清楚,逻辑严谨,并对读者的可能反应做出细致合理的评估,体现出其娴熟的分析能力,因而在 analysis 层面可以得 4 分。

Writing

写作层面将从结构、语言和写作规范三方面来考察。在结构方面,全文分为五段,属于「总-分-总」模式。作者开篇点出文章结论 「natural darkness should be preserved」,接下来又一一列出本文使用的论证手法 「personal anecdote」、「allusions to art and history」 和 「rhetorical questions」,阐明文章的架构。接下来三段为文章主体段,作者依次阐释了上文中提到的三种论证手法的作用和对读者的影响,细致具体,层层深入。最后一段为总结段,作者重申了原文结论和使用的论证手法,与首段呼应。

语言层面,全文选词准确、句式多样。除了个别单词拼写错误(如 Gutthral 应为 Guttural,prescence 应为 presence)外,文中没有其他拼写或语法错误。在确保用词准确的前提下,作者也实现了多样表达。例如,在描述「夜空」时,作者选用的词有 glamour(有魅力)、awe-inspiring(令人惊叹的)、genuine(真实的)、magnificence(壮丽)、grand(宏大)、glorious(灿烂的)、untainted(无暇的)和 unobscured(清楚的),所有这些词汇都勾勒出夜空的美丽特质,令人神往;而对应描述「灯光」的词则为 excess(过度的)、artificial(人造的)、unnatural(不自然的)和 vapid(乏味的),两相对比,更突出夜空的价值,点明应该保护黑暗的主旨。在句子层面,整篇文章句式多样,例如「By doing this, Bogard creates a dichotomy between Paris' traditionally alluded-to name and the reality of what Paris is becoming - no longer "the city of light", but more so "the city of light…before 2AM".」 在本句中,作者将巴黎的两种状态做了对比,之前是「Paris' traditionally alluded-to name—"the city of light"」,现在则是「the reality of what Paris is becoming—"the city of light…before 2AM"」,从而清晰地传达出巴黎保护黑暗的举措,将两种状态展现出来。另外,作者可以灵活运用关联词或词组,确保句子间的衔接流畅、语气通顺,如 start、further、furthermore、then、by doing this 和 finally。

在写作规范上,整篇文章也可圈可点。不管是标点、空格,还是大小写,作者都严格遵循英语写作规范,没有错误。所有这些都表明作者扎实的英文写作功底,因而在writing层面可得 4 分。

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