SAT写作官方样题高分范文:Let there be dark(2)
- 2017年04月05日16:38 来源:小站教育作者:小站SAT编辑
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本文给大家分享SAT写作样题“Let there be dark”的一篇范文,本文得分211,作文题目及更多分数段范文,请点击入口。
Sample Student Essays of “Let There Be Dark.” ©2012 by Los Angeles Times. Originally published December 21, 2012.
Scores: 211
Bogard builds an argument to persuade his audience about what he is concering about and feels it important to take care about. His essay talks about so much facts about sleeping how so little can effect us health wise examples like getting sleep disorders, diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease and depression. This facts helps people persuade the audience he also say that the world health organization classifies working night shift is bad. In his argument is not all about how it bad for the body he also claims and have proof that light cost are expensive and really costing people because they have light all night long. He also claims light is messing with mother nature that animals need darkness to feed eat move around because there noctuaral creatures. He has details facts about human body, animals and about mother nature that he can use to support his idea of not using so much light at night and how we need darkness. With these features he can persuade the auidence because people dont know why darkness can be good for us. He was all of facts and examples that he claim is efficting us and there world.
This response scored a 2/1/1.
Reading—2: This response demonstrates some comprehension of the source text, although the writer’s understanding of Bogard’s central idea isn’t conveyed until the latter part of the essay, where the writer indicates that Bogard includes details facts about human body, animals and about mother nature that he can use to support his idea of not using so much light at night and how we need darkness. Prior to this, the writer has included details from the text, but without contextualizing these details within Bogard’s broader argument, suggesting that the writer is relaying ideas from the text without much understanding of how they contribute to the whole. For example, the writer mentions the health problems cited in the text, that working the night shift is classified as bad, and that light costs are high, but doesn’t explain how these points relate to Bogard’s main claim that we must preserve natural darkness. On the whole, this essay displays only a partial understanding of the source text.
Analysis—1: In this essay, the writer has merely identified aspects of Bogard’s use of evidence without explaining how the evidence contributes to the argument. The writer notes that Bogard’s text talks about so much facts about sleeping how so little can effect us health wise examples like getting sleep disorders, diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease and depression. This facts helps people persuade the audience. Other than identifying these as persuasive facts, however, the writer does nothing to indicate an understanding of the analytical task. The writer again mentions persuasion before the conclusion of the essay (With these features he can persuade the auidence because people dont know why darkness can be good for us), but once again, there is no explanation of how or why these features are persuasive. Thus, the essay offers inadequate analysis of Bogard’s text.
Writing—1: This response demonstrates little cohesion and inadequate skill in the use and control of language. From the outset, problems with language control impede the writer’s ability to establish a clear central claim (Bogard builds an argument to persuade his audience about what he is concering about and feels it important to take care about). The response also lacks a recognizable introduction and conclusion, and sentences are strung together without a clear progression of ideas (for much of the response, the writer merely lists claims Bogard makes). The response also lacks variety in sentence structures, in part because of repetitive transitions. (For example, he also claims is used two sentences in a row in this brief response). Weak control of the conventions of standard written English, coupled with vague word choice, undermine the quality of writing. Overall, this response has demonstrated inadequate writing skill.